Relationships

A Big One!

He was big, in fact he was huge.  Not in a lazy loose kind of way, but in a dignified, powerful sort of way.  He wore a bright, bold kimono and his hair was bound up into the characteristic style.  He smelled like talcum powder and he walked like a champion.  There was no doubt about it - He was a sumo wrestler.

As he approached on his way towards the elevator my two year old daughter was facing the other way.  Then as he was almost next to her she turned around and looked up into the face of this massive man.  He must have seemed like a giant to my tiny little girl and she said exactly what came into her head:

“Ooooh….Big one”

She said it loudly and excitedly, in exactly the same way as she does when I hand her a parcel that she can’t lift off the ground.  It is her way of saying that she appreciates the size and it is sort of magnificent.  “Ooooh …Big one”.

Of course, as adults we would never say that in earshot of a massive, powerful Sumo wrestler.  We wouldn’t consider it because we would be afraid to cause offence or disrespect.  We are conscious of everything we say and particularly so when it concerns a man with massive hands and the ability to crush normal adults.  But my daughter doesn’t understand about causing offence.  She doesn’t guard her words.  She hasn’t even worked out how to talk maliciously.  And she is much better off.

You see instead of her innocence causing problems, it actually averts them.  While she could say any number of hurtful things without the safety catch on her mouth, she doesn’t even think to.  What she says is what she means.  There is no loaded meaning or harmful subtext.  If she says he is a big one, then he probably is a big one and there is no harm in that.  If she tells me that she wants me to stop talking, then she wants me to stop talking, there is no harm done and we move on.

What we see as we grow older and supposedly wiser, is that as we lose our innocence we replace it with negative things.  Instead of observing what we see in an uncomplicated way, we instinctively jump to judgements.  Rather than deciding that a person looks different to us, we decide that he is a hippy.  Rather than describing how someone behaved we judge that she is stupid.  

Of course this is a necessary part of maturity.  We develop these shortcuts and courtesies to simplify life, but how much more authentic is my daughters interaction with the world. 

This leads me to my point in writing this article and that is to mention the dignity of being young.  Although my daughter has only lived for 2 years, she has a lot more integrity and honesty than most adults I know.  She sees the world without bias and discrimination and so she sees it as it really is.  Over time, I expect she will gradually lose this gift.  School, friends and family will gradually “educate” her into maturity.  But I am going to try and not be a part of that aspect of growing up .  My aim, as a father, is to give my children the oportunity to see reality and be real with the world for as long as it is possible.  I have no idea how to do this, but I am going to try and find out.  I am sure that some parents succeed but I don’t know how they do it.  Does anyone have any ideas?

Thanks

Tom