Effectivity
Why your goals don’t work?
So it happened again. You longed for that job and someone else landed it. You wanted to win but you came in second. You set your goal and did what you decided had to be done, but it didn’t work. What is wrong with these goals? Why don’t they work?
The problem comes down to deciding what is a controllable, predictable goal and what is just an outcome. Let me explain.
There are plenty of things in your life that you have almost complete control over. There are actions, thoughts, habits, processes that you can decide to do and they will happen. Tell your legs to run and they will run. Repeat a pattern and it will become a habit. However there are plenty of things outside of your direct control. These involve other people and other forces that work independently of you.
Lets look at some comparative examples:
- You can control how hard you study, but you cannot control who tops the class.
- You can train hard and perform your best, but someone may still beat you
- You can write a perfect CV, but someone else may still be selected
- You can be the best parent in the world, but you cannot make your children become responsible adults.
All of these pairs are made up of actions that you control and then potential outcomes from those actions. The actions can definitely lead to the outcomes but they do not determine the outcomes. No matter how hard you work at the actions, there is always part of this situation that is out of your control. This is where frustration begins.
The trick to avoiding this frustration is to always frame your goals in terms of results that you control. Decide in advance, that you will be satisfied with doing everything within your power, despite the final outcome. Set your sights on achieving things that you have control over, and let the outcomes look after themselves. This means that you can experience a life of success and fulfillment without being at the mercy of situations that you cannot control.
This is a new concept for me. Previously, most of my goals included things outside of my control. For example, I used to set goals in terms of readers and subscribers to my websites. While I still watch these statistics and enjoy the progress and growth, I realise that I cannot decide how many people read my work. I can do all sorts of things to influence these statistics but at the end of the day, I cannot control where another person points their mouse.
What I can control is the quality of the site. I can also control the amount of effort I go to, to attract new readers. I can build relationships and respond to people who email me. These things are under my control. The number of readers - the outcome - is not. My efforts contribute to the number of readers, but they do not determine it.
So here is the basic premise of this change of mindset. I control the influences that lead to the outcomes, but I do not control the outcomes. I would be a fool to hang my satisfaction on something outside my control. When I am deciding how to formulate an effective goal, my new habit is to separate out anything that I cannot control. I call these things my Desired Outcomes and focus all of my attention on the factors that will influence those outcomes. Then I am free to do everything within my control, and if I do that, I have succeeded. My Desired Outcomes may follow, but regardless, I have done everything that I can.
Try this out for yourself and see what effect it has on your ability to lead an effective life.
Thanks
Tom
Discussion
12 comments for “Why your goals don’t work?”
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Hi Tom,
I love this sentence:
“The trick to avoiding this frustration is to always frame your goals in terms of results that you control.”…
I use to have the same habit,for example toping class…Then as I go through the process of schooling,i decided just as you’ve written…To be satisfied,not because I did not top the class ,but to be blind towards the “top” thing and let my satisfaction dwell on the outcome of my own performance….which I can control…like you said….
Great Work!
Hey Tom,
Another insightful article! Focusing on outcomes instead of on the areas of influence leads many people to discouragement and finally to giving up. I used to feel this way, and would often think “Why bother, it’s going to fail anyway.”
As you said, success needs a radical re-definition - “My Desired Outcomes may follow, but regardless, I have done everything that I can.”
Hi Nelson, Quint
I’m glad we’re all on the same page. I get it right more often than not, but at times I still find myself trying to control the outcomes and wondering why it doesn’t work. I am signed in to run the Tsukuba Marathon next weekend, and it looks like I may not make it because of an ankle injury. I have done everything that I can to keep myself injury free, but still I feel disappointed. It looks like I may miss my desired outcome but I can still be satisfied that I have done everything that I can.
Thanks guys
Tom
One of the most helpful posts I read in the last weeks out on the net! Thanks!
Tom, this is awesome and absolutely mangnificient.
Hi Martin
Thanks for that, I’m glad to have helped.
Tom
Hi Wale
Thanks for that. I’ve been over to your site and started looking over your list of 120 quotes. I couldn’t get past number 2. That is wisdom!
Thanks
Tom
Hi Tom:
Indirectly you delivered the crux of Hindu Scripture “Bhagvad Gita” as spoken by Lord Krishna.
“Your duty is to do Karma without expecting any fruits”
The results are not in your hands. As Swami Dayanad once told in a lecture on Success at Bell Labs, “On a hot summer day you have to cross the road to catch a bus to go home. That is the action (karma). As you do the action their can be several possible outcomes: 1) You reach the other side but the bus left just as you reached there 3) You got the bus but no seat 4) You got the bus and a nice seat near window 5) As you were crossing a friend stopped by in a nice air conditioned car and offered a ride home - wow, you save money, remain cool and get good company! or 6) you woke up in the hospital next day…..or any variations of these!”
You can control the action of walking to cross the road but outcome is not in your control!
Gita also says that No action is not a choice. You must do action (karma) the best way that you know how but w/o any expectations.
Lord Krishna says that the action and results are preplanned in the destiny. The whole world is “Maya” a “game” played by Almighty. Just act your part of the stage …..
Hi Jay
That bus example is really helpful. No matter what action we take there are always a number of different, and more or less desirable, outcomes. Surely we are responsible for making the most of our actions, thoughts, words etc. but that is the best we can do.
Thanks
Tom
This a great post Tom! Most of us do the same mistake. I wish I had read this post years ago. Although whenever I failed after trying for something, or I was not sure of the outcome of something I planned to do I thought in a similar way, but it was never clear in my mind. Reading your post things are really clean now and I have a better insight at things. Thanks!
Hi Mousa
It took me a while to realise what was happening. Many attempts with almost as many failures made me think. From this side, it all seems so obvious.
Thanks
Tom
Just found your site by chance - came across the running monkey blog first and saw the link to this one.
I love the bus example.
Will be reading the many posts with interest.
Penny